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Imagine the scenario, you walk
into a party at a couples’ house – someone that you have known for a
while. You know a lot of the people there, but it doesn’t feel quite
right. What do you do? Well, as a female you fire up your invisible
antenna, they scan the room, they suss out the mood. They keep
sweeping the guests until you find out just what’s going on. A dirty
look from your host crackles across the room and explodes into the
face of her husband. In return he turns his back and continues to
laugh with his friends or flirt with the little blonde who’s just
moved in to 23. Your antenna flit back to her, she crumbles with
rejection and slinks of to the kitchen to console herself with
another canapé. All this time, your husband is imitating Mr Bean by
rising up on tip toe and trying to see beyond the people in the
room, looking at who is where and sussing out the best vantage point
for beer or conversation.
On the
way home in the car, you say “Blimey, Jim and Mary aren’t getting on
well!” and he says “Huh? I never noticed!” This is how it is! He
is looking for exits and targets! You are looking for relationships
and moods! That’s why he parks so far away! He needs to be near
to the exit! He needs to know how to escape and how to get you out
safely. We on the other hand are looking for relationships,
nurturing and the mood of the place! Have you ever gone to a new
town to shop and not liked the “mood” of the place?
Once you
have parked (and not ripped each other’s heads off) the next
challenge is the shopping itself. You want a black dress for the
Christmas dinner dance. You enter the mall and he spots the first
department store which he suggests you look in! You are delighted by
his attention and so you gladly go in. He looks on the store
directory and tries to find the sign that says “black dress” – you
explain that it is probably in “women’s wear” so he concedes and he
boards the escalator (first). At the top he is off and like a chef
fan-chopping mushrooms, hunts down a black dress. He marches over to
you wearing a large grin! “Here you go!” and presents you with a
black dress.
You may like it – you may not, but, you don’t want to say “yes!” to
the first dress, do you?! Somehow that would be cheating. You want
to browse, try a few on, look in other shops too; in case you see a
bargain! So you turn your nose up a little and suggest that you
continue to look. He hunts out black dress after black dress,
eventually you settle on one (which may or may not be the first
one). He is pleased! He has hunted a suitable dress for his woman!
Hunting over, it’s time to go home, to rest, to play.
Alas no, you really need a new pair of shoes and a bag and maybe
some new make-up to go with such a great dress! You can’t understand
why he is so grumpy! Doesn’t he want you to look good? He feels
cheated that he has to continue hunting – after all, she wanted
dress not dress plus…You now feel bad because you think that he is
being brisk with you because you have not paid him any attention! So
to make it up to him you suggest that maybe it would be a good idea
to stop somewhere for lunch. You want to make him feel that he is
getting a treat too. The reaction is swift! “No, just find what you
want and let’s get out of here! It’s too busy!” he retorts. The fact
is he feels cheated again; now you are trying to make a day of it!
For men, shopping is hunting, for women, shopping is a relationship
building graze.
The fact is that
we are different – not better or worse – just different!
So what do you do
now that Christmas is hurtling towards us at a fast rate of tinsel?
1.
Unless your husband
REALLY loves shopping; leave him at home!
2.
If he has to go too,
give him a shopping list of things that you need.
Then send him off to hunt them out – be specific
though!
3.
Set a time for meeting
up (preferably at a restaurant or café).
Then he can show you all the items he has hunted for
you.
You can enjoy a nice,
satisfying drink whilst he shows you!
4.
Be clear and specific
upfront about what you need and ask him what he wants too.
5.
Accept the car park
issue! It’ll never change!
Good Shopping!
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Lynne Copp
Click here for a free
pdf on
Dancing round the Handbags
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